Today I am mostly inventing things.
Before breakfast, I invented a board game that doesn’t involve anyone ending up in the divorce courts simply because they beat the pants off their partner.
It hasn’t got a name yet. I thought of asking for suggestions from friends and family, but that in itself might be a quarrelsome road to travel. There may even be the odd punch up.
Around mid-morning I had a bit of a lightbulb moment and came up with a method of playing the saxaphone that doesn’t involve disturbing the next door neighbours. (I like playing the sax).
It involves selectively extracting soundwaves from the air ( or wherever else they happen to be) and transporting them off-planet to the light side of the moon.
Then, instead of being greeted by the sound of lunar silence, visiting astronauts, can listen to the cool sound of smokey room jazz as they sift the surface looking for meaningful bits of rock.
I’m only in the very early stages of development…and the technology needed to do the deed is a bit on the theoretical side (well ok…a lot on the theoretical side) but as Einstein once said………oh hang on a minute, it wasn’t him…
Anyway…it was around lunch that I twigged the answer to the question that has dogged humanity since the dawn of time, or even earlier.
Namely: Who the bloody hell threw that damned big rock at us that buggered up our climate and got rid of all those cool dinosaurs?
Of course I realise that this isn’t technically an invention in the classical sense, and more of a ‘who dunnit’ in the Bryce sense. But that’s not really the point.
The point is…I have a theory.
At the time, somebody (or race of somebodies) in a galaxy far, far away, took a look at us and didn’t like what they saw!
In fact I’d even go so far as to say that they clapped eyes on our young little planet, saw all our cute animals and thought; “Shit…they look bloody vicious if you ask us. Give them a few million years and they might even get a bit adventurous. Maybe even start poking their noses around our neck of the solar system. Bugger that for a game of asteroids!”
So, like any scared little bully boys worth their weight in salt, they started throwing rocks at us in the hope that we’d get the message and stay where we were.
Of course, space and time being what they are, it tends to take a fair while before anything that’s chucked from a gazillion miles away actually gets close enough to do any damage.
And whaddya know. A bloody big one actually did. And the rest, as they say, is history. Or rather pre-history.
End of dino and all the other sauruses. Beginning of Man and all the other kinds.
The thing is…
What have our extra terrorising-extrials been doing since they clobbered us?
Keeping a watchful eye on our progress (or lack of it)? Ignoring us completely and hoping we’ll eventually fizzle out as a species? Gathering up more rocks?
One can only hope that the passage of time has helped them see the error of their ways and that the only things they decide to chuck at us are mysterious and interesting attempts at communication.
Unless, that is, they’ve already done so…
